Skin-to-Skin Contact Isn’t Just for Babies
We all know the comfort that comes from a hug — that quiet, grounding moment when someone wraps their arms around you and the world suddenly feels a little safer. Or that simple squeeze of a hand when words aren’t enough. Touch like that might seem small, but it’s a deep human need — one that starts the moment we’re born and never really goes away.
When a newborn is placed on a parent’s chest, skin-to-skin, their heartbeat slows, their breathing steadies, and they feel safe. That same power of touch continues throughout our lives. It’s calming, it’s reassuring, and in a world that’s increasingly digital and distant, it’s something many of us are getting less and less of. And when we don’t get enough, we can actually become touch starved.
Being touch starved — or “skin hungry” as it’s sometimes called — doesn’t just mean missing out on hugs. It’s the feeling of craving human contact the way your body craves food or water. It can happen for so many reasons: living alone, working remotely, going through a breakup, or simply being in a culture where physical affection isn’t common. Even small things, like using self-checkout instead of handing someone cash, chip away at those micro-moments of human connection we once took for granted.
When that need goes unmet, the effects can be surprisingly powerful. You might find yourself feeling lonelier, moodier, or more anxious than usual. You might notice you’re jealous when you see others being affectionate, or that you’re tense, touchy, and can’t quite relax. It’s your body’s way of saying, “I need connection.”
Touch isn’t just about comfort — it’s biology. When we experience physical contact, our bodies release oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone.” It lowers stress, steadies our heartbeat, and even helps us sleep better. Studies show that regular physical touch can lower cortisol (the stress hormone), reduce pain, and increase positive emotions like joy and gratitude. It literally helps the body shift from “fight or flight” into “rest and digest.”
The tricky part is that as adults, especially in modern life, many of us don’t get nearly enough. The pandemic only made it worse — suddenly, handshakes, hugs, even casual touches disappeared. And while technology keeps us connected in one way, it’s made us more distant in another.
The good news? There are gentle, real ways to bring more touch back into your life. Start small. Cuddle your pet. Try massage therapy. Use a weighted blanket that mimics the pressure of a comforting hug. Or tell someone close to you, “Hey, I could really use a hug right now.” It might feel awkward at first, but most people will understand — we all crave the same kind of closeness, even if we don’t always say it out loud.
And if you’ve been feeling persistently lonely, anxious, or disconnected, it might help to talk with a therapist. Not because something’s “wrong” with you, but because touch — and the lack of it — goes straight to the core of how we feel loved and safe in the world.
Human beings were built for connection. We thrive when we feel seen, held, and cared for — both emotionally and physically. So maybe the next time you hug someone you love, hold on a second longer. It might mean more than you think.
